chargeurism (n.)

Chargeurist (noun)

Chargeuric (adjective)
Chargeurism (noun)
Chargeage (noun)

A person who is obsessed with vibrating electrical devices, or prone to the inducement of sexual pleasure by proximity to or rubbing against such devices (as in a crowd).

The Chargeurist preferred above-ground public transportation: the likelihood of fellow passengers having mobile phone signals was higher there, and thus so was the potential for the vibrations s/he so craved.

Fiberphile (noun)

Fiberphilic (adjective)
Fiberphilia (noun)

A person who fetishizes print culture, even though s/he cannot bring her/himself to actually read a physical book.

The Fiberphile is respectful of history and desiring of the tactile pleasure of a beautifully bound book, yet struggles to reconcile these proclivities with his/her hunger for information.

Fr@ncophile (noun)

Fr@ncophiling (verb)
Fr@ncophilic (adjective)
Fr@ncophilia (noun)

A person who spews 20th-century French philosophy on social media.

“That [female] is such a Fr@ncophile!” he lamented. “Her esoteric ramblings on Facebook clogged up my RSS feed so bad that I’m taking a break from FB and focusing on my Instagram for the time being.”

Goldager (noun)

Goldage (noun)
Goldagic (adjective)
To goldage (verb)

A member of the old guard who thinks that the Internet is only a place for sneezing pandas and dancing cats.

My boyfriend is a classic Goldager: he doesn’t understand that Grindr is more than just a distraction; it’s how I stay connected.

Mermaid (noun)

Mermaidic (adjective)
Mermaidism (noun)

A person who has developed physical disorders and/or bodily mutations due to his/her physical relationship to hardware and software.

A digital native, the mermaid’s exceptional powers included increased thumb strength and agility; her posture, core strength, and leg function were weak, however, her neck and head defaulting to a 45-degree position.